Wednesday, April 7, 2010

The Musings of a Delusional Mom

I love to daydream.

When I was a little girl I could lay in one spot for hours imagining my big break as a Broadway star or the discovery of my royal heritage and subsequent life as princess of a far away land. 

Not much has changed.

I still have conversations with people in my mind.  Not the crazy kind (if you can even say that when you're talking about voices in your head), but the kind where you say everything right and the other person says exactly what you want to hear.

Now that I have kids the conversations are different, but the gist is the same. 

These dialogues usually take place with complete strangers (seeing that husbands don't cooperate with the whole "exactly what you want to hear" idea).

And they go something like this.

Imaginary Conversation: Take One

Stranger: "I hope you don't mind me saying so, but you look way too young to have a kid."

Me: "I don't mind at all.  In fact, I get that all the time."

(Never happened, not once.  I figured people did not want to appear rude with my first son.  After all, what if I accidentally got pregnant in college or something.  Then number two came along.)

Imaginary Conversation: Take Two

Stranger: "How long have you babysat those children.  They seem so comfortable with you."

(Yes, I have the same "hot babysitter" delusion as the mom in the minivan commercial.)

Me: "I'm actually their mother, but don't worry, I get that all the time." (Seeing a pattern here?)

(Also never happened.  With two kids people must assume they were on purpose.  That I am grown and married and planned these two beautiful children.  So why aren't they bombarding me with underhanded compliments on my youth and good looks!  I just don't get it!  Well, maybe I'll go a different route...)

Imaginary Conversation: Take Three

Stranger:  "Your children are absolutely gorgeous.  And so well behaved.  It was a pleasure being near such a wonderful family."

Me:  "Thank you so much!  That is very kind of you to say.  And they really are like this all the time." (Okay, I'm laughing even as I type that one.)

(And again, never happened.  Although, once, an older man said, "Good for you" when we asked for to-go bags and jetted from a local restaurant with our crying baby and rambunctious toddler.  Didn't know what to make of that one.)

So the moral of the story...

If you see me on the street or in a restaurant, please make an embarrasingly big deal about my youthful good looks and my children's perfect behavior (and maybe throw something in there about my tiny waste line if you're feeling generous).

Tell me I'm not the only delusional one around here!


  1. I dream of those comments to, but alas they have yet to come. People think my mom is Hayden's mom sometimes - but I don't know what that says about me (and those comments come when I am not around).

    Sometimes people say he's well-behaved but that's VERY rare... and those instances are isolated. In general, I'm just another mom and Hayden is just another cute kid (and he is definitely a cute kid... that's for sure).

  2. Kim,
    I love the name of your blog, the story of my life - cold coffee. :)

    I'm enjoying catching up on YOU and yours. Thanks for the great tantrum tips. And thanks for reading mine - wow! I'm up to 9 readers. Wahoo!
    Thanks for your encouragement.

    And good luck to you. I'll enjoy keeping up with you.

  3. Oh my - I love your dream scenarios. Unfortunately in my case I am far far too old to ever be told I look way too young to have a child. I am just praying no one ever steps up to me and comments on how wonderful my granddaughter is :-)

    It has not so far happened to me but a few years ago before our daughter was born we went on vacation to California with my old school friend whose daughter was then 19 months old. (Yes, she was a late starter too). We went one evening to a rather snooty restaurant and were the only people with a child in tow. My friend's little girl behaved beautifully but occasionally as children do made some noise. At the end of their evening an elderly couple advanced towards our table. The gentleman then commented on how well behaved my friend's little girl had been, which made her day. So yes, I agree, if people did stop to make such comments it would do us Moms the world of good (assuming of course it was not one of those days when the children were anything BUT well behaved!)

  4. Imaginary conversations - so easy to relate!

  5. Those dreams are great. I especially love the imaginary conversations. Though I don't usually do that, my husband does all the time. He will literally sit down next to me and tell me all about the made-up conversations he has with people.

    I guess he needs something to do at work!

  6. Hahahaha. This is hilarious! Hilarious because I actually did get pregnant in college and since my husband is Asian and I looked like I was about 15 people really did think I was the babysitter. But being the babysitter was way better than people thinking, 'Oh, that poor, poor teenage mother'! You are 100% right on about the 2 kids thing. Now at 30 years old and having our second child and looking like a grown up, it finally appears this was all planned :)

    Thanks for the good laugh this morning. I found you from ILI and will be back!

  7. Hahaha. I love it. I wish I could have these conversations too, then I look in the mirror, cringe a little and think "man, that lady looks like she needs a nap!" A couple of years ago when we got our roof done, one of the workers approached my husband and said, "that's your wife? she looks pretty good for having four kids." Uhm. Thanks?


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